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Twenty years without being unemployed and then suddenly facing something like this must be really difficult. Especially when you have a family to support. I can understand why you questioned your decisions. But I hope you don't see everything you have built and contributed as a failure. I am working on my own small projects and sometimes even the technical problems are enough to make me question what I am doing. I can only imagine how much harder it becomes when your livelihood depends on it. I hope things work out with Nostr4 and your HRF grant. Wishing you and your family all the best. Keep building.